Freedom's Just Another Word

So there I was...sitting in the hot tub, glass of wine in hand, the steam was swirling around me and I sat there in the warm water looking up at the stars. Funny isn't it what inspires you. It's been forever since I've sat and written a blog post. Let's face it. The last time I wrote was shortly after I got my job. My precious free time of being post hospital, bed bound and stuck at home, and not working has officially run out. It's a good year's worth of run out. So as I sat in the hot tub, watching the stars and loving me some flx vino, I thought tonight is a good night to get back into writing. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about blogging a lot. I think it's all that "topic material" that's been building up in my head that finally knocked on my forehead and said, "Hey sparky, I need my outlet back." Well... like it or not it's back and don't think it's going to stop any time soon.


The thing that's really been hitting me, as it has in the past, is music. Lyrics hit you the right way and then a whole train of thoughts come along with that one lyric. Janis Joplin hit me the other day. Those of you who saw my Facebook post can attest to that. Beaner will be proud of me I'm referencing Janis. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose." My parents have been saying it for years, but at this point in one's life, nothing's been truer. In the words of my parents: "Jessie, you're young you've got nothing holding you back." The mulling of this finally got to me. Yes Mom, I am a slow learner but I do get there. As this point, I've got a degree, with let's face it, little experience behind me in terms of real world experience, and yes single-ness does add to this equation of freedom. I'm hearing Janis. Freedom. Freedom in terms of if I want more work experience behind me I can go embrace it. If I want to go live somewhere I've never been, I can! If I met a guy I want to date, no strings holding me anywhere! Cheers to freedom being another word for nothing left to loose!

Freedom to be the person that you want to be is glorious. As long as you have friends who accept you as you are, today, is how you will survive. When it comes to friends, I think I've come to the conclusion that I've made a choice to make my own definition of best friends. My definition of best friends has boiled down to the people that you've talked to not too long ago, or even months ago and you call them up and can pick up where you left your last conversation and it seems like no time has gone by. The ease of that conversation and the ability to pick it up is not something I take for granite. Without sounding uber cheesy I think those are the people that make it through lifetime friendships. They endure the bullshit and make it simple to have a relationship with. Yes, friendships are special relationships too. To all those people who I've been able to pick up conversations with from out of no where or from yesterday, THANK YOU. You mean the world to me. Kept me sane through it all. Just for kicks...go listen to Michael Franti's "Anytime You Need Me". Sums it up perfectly.

As another one of my best friends...Beau-you know you who are-quoted, "my dad always said ages 20-25 are some of the most difficult times in your life." Amen to that. I think I have to amend that statement and think that ages 20-30 are some of the most difficult years of your life. The reason my friend's dad said this was that in that age span, you're in, what I like to call childhood to adulthood limbo. Friend's dad's explanation of this time period was that you're still figuring out who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. Excuse my french, but shit, most middle age adults I know are still figuring out the same damn thing themselves.

This segways into my next realization. That friends are exactly the means by which you travel this difficult life span without going mentally insane. There are days thought, that I think myself and, sorry guys, even some of my friends didn't pass that mentality test with flying colors. Jussst kidding....but am I? :-) Love you!


Ok, enough with the heavy stuff, right? While going through this interesting life period I've also realized that adult relationships, whether they be friendships or significant other style relationships....well...they SUCK. Yes I'm one of those people. I reminisce and have days where I miss college like I never thought possible. The thing about college is that while you're there in the constraints of those cinderblock walls. Going off on a tangent here.... funny how cinderblock walls sounds like a prison and yes, while you're there that's what it seems like, until you get out. Then you realize that those were the days when you were able to be irresponsible, carefree, and with VERY limited restrictions to the guidelines of real life. But guess what? The real world gave us a slap right upside the head when we got out and said, GET A REAL JOB! Now faced with student loans, time lines of a real work schedule, trying to be a significant other's "person" and trying to balance those college/high school friendships we realize that we miss the ability to call up the friend in the townhouse/dorm room right next to ours and say: "YO! Get over here...NOW...I wanna DO something."I don't like grown up land where we have to coordinate our "hang out time" around our big kid jobs and big kid responsibilities. Yeah.. I know. Can I hear another AMEN? lol

On top of that, what happened to the fluid relationship status and commitment of college? I'm really ok admitting that I'm a girl who's got way too much to do and see to get super serious in a relationship right now. (Reference Beau's dad's quote above). Why rush that status? Let's live gloriously and get all those wild oats sown now so that we can look back on our 20's and not regret a damn thing or hear ourselves mumble, "I wish I would have..." FYI not going to be me. I'm more than ok with having someone hold me to that statement. Even if my younger brother or best friends get married before me, I'm (at least right now) holding firm to the fact that I need to live a little before I go and tie the knot or get into something serious. Sorry, sad but true.

Better end on an upbeat note. Oh...my iPod has magic powers I think. What just came on? 75 and Sunny by Ryan Montbleau.
"I'd rather be 75 and sunny than 29 with a chance of showers all the time, she'd rather be old as dirt than new as any $9 bottle of wine.... you better believe she's living for the moment, cuz the moment is the whole damn thing."

Thanks for bearing with me on a long, and a little overdue, blog. Cheers to best friends, maintaining grown up relationships, and being 24...ah I mean 75..and sunny. <3

First Week of New Job..Successful Mission

So it's official. I completed my first full week of a salaried job. Woot! It's great. Knowing that I'm doing something with my degree and can really take Ventosa to new heights with the right tools. So much potential with this company and not gonna lie I really wanna get the right people in the right places for some of these positions we need filled. They need a full time tasting room manager, and I get an assistant for the marketing position. There's another position I would like to see some serious serious help with if not replaced, but I won't go there. Let's just say WOW on hiring technique on that one. Anywhoo!

Today's going to be a fun day. Going to the Saranac brewery with Phil and then all of us...Phil and I, and my parents are having dinner with the Osbourne crew at their house for dinner. Jess and Frank are going to be there too so it'll definitely be good to see them. Yay group gatherings! It's a mini celebration for Mom's birthday tomorrow too. Not that she wants to talk about it! Love you Mommy dearest! lol Tomorrow night will involve dinner at my Aunt Lynne's who was awesome and offered to cook for Mom since it was her birthday and she didn't want Mom cooking. Super cool move on Aunt Lynne's part. Earned bonus points in my book.

So now since I've got a full day ahead of me, I should probably get to showering and getting a jump start on the day.
Cheers to a full week of wine work and taking your Saturday to go to a brewery!

Footloose and Filter Free

So other than being up at 4:30 this morning to scrub down and shower, today went really well for filter removal at Strong. Having to leave your house at 5:15am to make it to Rochester by 6:30am is totally not something I ever wanna get used to. Got to the hospital and everything went very smoothly. I officially don't like getting an IV put in my hand. I do however like the sedation drugs they give you to make sure you're out of it. I couldn't be totally out during this surgery but because I'm so sensitive to drugs I ended up falling asleep for a good 10-15 minutes while they went in and got the sucker out. Cool thing was that after they were all done I got to see the filter.

My little bit of morbid curiosity was fufilled. It was about the size of a silver dollar in total. Pretty much looked like the skeleton of an umbrella without the cloth covering. lol Everything went really well and the doctor that preformed the surgery said that I'll come in in like 2 weeks to get a CT to see how the pulmonary embolisms (clots that ended up in my lungs) are doing. If they're totally clear and out of my system then my primary doctor wants to get me off Coumadin. Then I'll have my life back completely to normal. So excited. The progress I've made throughout this entire process is still something that awes me. Not something I don't take for granite at all. Now I can't wait for summer to get here so I can get back on the drinking wagon. I'm up to 5 cases of vino stashed away for this summer. I may have to join AA by August. There's a vino for ya. Gotta love living in wine country.

Now that that's all taken care of I'm pumped to be able to get back to working out. Getting really healthy again. Keep loosing weight and starting my new job on Monday! I'm stopping by Ventosa on Saturday to meet some people and get my foot in the door. Also have some questions answered for sure. Until then, I'm just taking it easy and working at Fox Run tomorrow. If anyone has nothing to do stop by and get some delicious tapas paired with some wine. 5:30-7:30. Seriously amazing food and the wine pairings are done by Heather the chef, Peter the winemaker, and Trish Peter's assistant winemaker. Totally worth it and only 20 bucks! Come on down...I'll pour ya a glass!

Cheers to being filter free and food and wine pairings! =)

God Help You If You Are a Phoenix and You Dare to Rise Up From the Ash

"Squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head"
-"32 Flavors", Ani DiFranco

If you get the chance...listen to that song in it's entirety. I was listening to it in the car the other day and it really hit home. Not that I have a big head in the slightest but the words rang pretty true. "Both my parents taught me about good will and I have done well by their names." My parents need to be given a ton of credit throughout this process. They are so the people I look up to more than life itself. The strength they have shown through all of this is incredible. They've put themselves on the line for both my brother and I countless times and don't think twice about it. I just hope someday I can be half the parent that both of them are. I just can't stop being able to thank them. So again...THANK YOU. Another line from that song that really hit me: "God help you if you are a Phoenix and dare to rise up from the ash, a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just flying past." I think in a lot of ways this accident and all the events after it were 100% an opportunity to start over and start even stronger. Now's the time to really live my life the way I want to. I'm gonna keep flying and maybe "a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy." Ya never know.

"I never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you." My brother has caught a lot of flack after this whole process. My dad described it as "you two are like oil and water lately." Not that I think either one of us is mad at the other...we're just "misunderstood." lol The communication has gotten so much better and I think every day we improve. I just want one of my best friends back. I want to be able to talk to him about anything again. We'll get there...I just hope that open communication keeps up. I love you Timmers.

So my Grandma went over to Denmark to visit my aunt and uncle, and my aunt had her first girl today! =) All on her own with no help. Not something that happened with her first 2 boys. This new girl is a miracle baby. Can't wait to see her and initiate her into dysfunction junction...aka our fabulous family. Jussst kidding..but not really. lol So while Gram has been over in Denmark I get some hottt wheels again. It's a Dodge mini van. That's right. I know you're jealous. The "shaggin wagon" as my wonderful boyfriend fondly refers to it. At least I'm mobile again. So a big thank you shout out to Gram.

Tomorrow I'm wigging out a little. Tomorrow's officially the last of my big medical issues. They put in an umbrella filter to catch any clots that might travel from my legs (where the clots originated) to my lungs since that's how I got the lung clots in the first place. If you want big medical words which I'm getting good at now they're officially called pulmonary embolisms. So tomorrow is the surgery to get that taken out. If everything looks clear clot wise when they take out the filter. then my primary wants to get me off blood thinners. Woot! The not so cool part about all this is that they told me that I have to be "awake" for this procedure and they have to go in to remove it by going through my neck. Not cool. My primary doc said they would most likely give me "happy juice" which I'm totally ok with. I don't wanna feel anything not to mention see a scalpel come towards my face. Freaky right? I know in the scheme of things it not a huge deal, but anything medical doesn't make you go..."YES I'M SO EXCITED!." So I'll definitely have an update Th/Fr or over the weekend to let ya know how it went.

"I'm not saying that I am a saint, I just don't want to live that way, I will never be a saint, but I will always say...Squint your eyes and look closer." One of the biggest philosophies I've always held in my life and more so now than ever is treat other people the way you want to be treated. This has been acted upon in everything from relationships, to family, to work, and everything else in between. The golden rule folks. If you don't wanna be treated that way, then why do it onto others. One of the biggest things I still can't get over is the way m boyfriend talks to me. He'll just look at me and out of the blue say "God you're beautiful." It's such a huge thing to hear. It's not like he's telling me what I want to hear or trying to blow smoke. He's so amazing to me. It's so real. I've told him but I think the reason it hits me so hard is a couple of reasons. It's saying stuff like that and positive reinforcement that makes me want to look good, work out, do things for myself but also for him. This sounds horrible too but it's such better motivation than what I used to have. He's heard this story, but I used to be told that a guy "just wanted me to be healthy." "That he would wanna know if I wanted him to loose weight." That "I still think you're pretty, but I just wouldn't mind if you lost some weight." To be honest, that approach just makes you depressed and would make me eat more. Now I like how I look. I have a man that appreciates me inside and out. That's the kind of man you make a life with and grow stronger because of, with him right by your side.

"I'm a poster girl with no poster" New job starts on Monday. I'm so freaking excited. I'm meeting with RJ on Saturday to meet some people and I've got a couple little technical questions for him. I'm definitely going to be the marketing poster girl with no poster. I'll definitely keep you posted on how that goes too. I can't wait. I meet Lenny, the owner of Ventosa, on April 1st. I'm so excited to start a professional life. Anyone who doubted me: "Someday you might find you are starving and eating all of the words you just said." In the happiest, lightest way to ever say that. =)

Wish me luck tomorrow with surgery and pass on some of that positive cosmic karma and think healthy, happy, good thoughts in my favor.

Cheers to being a Phoenix and rising up from the ash!

The Road Less Traveled

An employer finally took a chance on this hardworking, vibrant, young woman. I am so freaking excited to say that I got offered a full time position as the marketing director for Ventosa Vineyards. I'll be in charge of everything from website maintenance, setting up live concerts and music events, publicity, and all the various duties that a good marketing professional should be responsible for. I got the job! Now it's my mission to show them that they hired the right girl and will do anything to keep her. Excuse my french but I'm a damn hard worker and don't do anything half assed. I will go far in life, and you better believe it. It was huge to me that someone offered me a job, a starting salary and after 3 months I'll get a 3 grand increase in salary. I can have a health insurance allotment that is tax free. Salary and benefits...not a bad gig for me at my current position in life. Start date is the 29th of this month officially. I'll be going in on the 27th for a little bit to get my feet wet, meet some people, and get a foot in the door as long as I'm feeling ok after I get the filter out. I'm so freaking excited and once you get this girl rolling....it's just gonna get a snowball effect started. Once I start, there's no stopping me. I've always taken the road less traveled. Listen to George Strait's the Road Less Traveled. Sums up my life beautifully.


Cheers to business cards that say marketing director!!

Right On the Money

So today was yet another great day in the survior woman saga. I had a follow up meeting with the orthopedic doctor to see how things were going now that I'm completely out of the back brace. Everything is looking amazing. I had some questions cleared up on my end and I can get back to working out! Woot! I don't have any more appointments with him unless on a need be basis. So cool. I'm sooo getting my life back. Now I just can't wait to have enough income shown to eventually get a car. Savings is looking up big time. I've been adament about putting half of my pay check every time into a savings account.

Now that life is getting on track the next step would be that full time job and getting Dad his required weekly check. lol He's such a punk. I love him. Between his check and getting me out...that's his goals for the near future. Trust me Beav (my nickname for my Dad) that's my goal too dude. So life updates continue, but for the most part I'm a completely happy camper. Life is so good. Not to be a cheese ball but wow God has been good to me. Grandpa, my Grandma, and God all have my back up there. I'm totally ok with that and wouldn't want it any differently.


Cheers to being young but having a 80 year old back! lol Just kidding...but not really! =)

But Not Me...I'm Alive

I'm a full believer now in the fact that we all get signs from above. Yesterday was one of those days. I borrowed Tim's car today to hand out resumes to all the Seneca Lake wineries. First stop at noon was Ventosa. Had a really good vibe after meeting RJ. Sounded really positive. I got out to my car and looked up to the sky and said thank you multiple times. Then what song came on the radio? "I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney. Not gonna lie...I broke down into tears. It was a sign. "It'd be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames, Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain, But not me... I'm alive." I didn't get a job because of this accident. There are days that lyric hits me so incredibly hard. You can dwell on the bad but now I have the opportunity to take my life back into my hands and control what I have power to. I can start being in the driver seat to my life again.

Long story short. I dropped off my resume and talked to RJ around noon. By 5 I had a phone call asking me to come in and talk a little more about the job and my experiences. I guess they were interested. So here's the next step right on my doorstep. That interview is at noon so send good vibes my way all. Especially that they have benefits and want me to fill that marketing position. Cheers!

Tonight is gonna be a fun one too. Phil and I are going to Rochester to meet with his brother and brother's wife to see the Town Pants. I'm so stoked about that one. Rocking Irish Celtic band that brings the house down. You wanna dance like a mofo and burn some serious calories....go to one of their shows. One of their songs is Drinking With St. Swithin. If that doesn't tell you they're a drinking band...don't know what will. I've never been to Johnny's Irish Pub in Rochester. Hope it's a cool venue because that's where they are. I'll let you know how it goes. If anyone wants to see them next week, they're playing in Ithaca on St. Pat's at Castaway's. Guinness night? Oh count on it. Maybe Jameson if the night calls for something seriously interesting.

One last note. I think there's something to be said about a boy who looks at you and says "God you're beautiful." Just from the way he says it and the look in his eyes, you know he's not just telling you what you wanna hear or be nice. That's totally something to not take for granted and realize is something totally different than what I was accustomed to. He makes me feel like it's just the two of us on earth and that's all that matters.

Cheers to interviews and employers/people who want you!
And have that shot of Jameson for me. =)