Freedom's Just Another Word

So there I was...sitting in the hot tub, glass of wine in hand, the steam was swirling around me and I sat there in the warm water looking up at the stars. Funny isn't it what inspires you. It's been forever since I've sat and written a blog post. Let's face it. The last time I wrote was shortly after I got my job. My precious free time of being post hospital, bed bound and stuck at home, and not working has officially run out. It's a good year's worth of run out. So as I sat in the hot tub, watching the stars and loving me some flx vino, I thought tonight is a good night to get back into writing. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about blogging a lot. I think it's all that "topic material" that's been building up in my head that finally knocked on my forehead and said, "Hey sparky, I need my outlet back." Well... like it or not it's back and don't think it's going to stop any time soon.


The thing that's really been hitting me, as it has in the past, is music. Lyrics hit you the right way and then a whole train of thoughts come along with that one lyric. Janis Joplin hit me the other day. Those of you who saw my Facebook post can attest to that. Beaner will be proud of me I'm referencing Janis. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose." My parents have been saying it for years, but at this point in one's life, nothing's been truer. In the words of my parents: "Jessie, you're young you've got nothing holding you back." The mulling of this finally got to me. Yes Mom, I am a slow learner but I do get there. As this point, I've got a degree, with let's face it, little experience behind me in terms of real world experience, and yes single-ness does add to this equation of freedom. I'm hearing Janis. Freedom. Freedom in terms of if I want more work experience behind me I can go embrace it. If I want to go live somewhere I've never been, I can! If I met a guy I want to date, no strings holding me anywhere! Cheers to freedom being another word for nothing left to loose!

Freedom to be the person that you want to be is glorious. As long as you have friends who accept you as you are, today, is how you will survive. When it comes to friends, I think I've come to the conclusion that I've made a choice to make my own definition of best friends. My definition of best friends has boiled down to the people that you've talked to not too long ago, or even months ago and you call them up and can pick up where you left your last conversation and it seems like no time has gone by. The ease of that conversation and the ability to pick it up is not something I take for granite. Without sounding uber cheesy I think those are the people that make it through lifetime friendships. They endure the bullshit and make it simple to have a relationship with. Yes, friendships are special relationships too. To all those people who I've been able to pick up conversations with from out of no where or from yesterday, THANK YOU. You mean the world to me. Kept me sane through it all. Just for kicks...go listen to Michael Franti's "Anytime You Need Me". Sums it up perfectly.

As another one of my best friends...Beau-you know you who are-quoted, "my dad always said ages 20-25 are some of the most difficult times in your life." Amen to that. I think I have to amend that statement and think that ages 20-30 are some of the most difficult years of your life. The reason my friend's dad said this was that in that age span, you're in, what I like to call childhood to adulthood limbo. Friend's dad's explanation of this time period was that you're still figuring out who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. Excuse my french, but shit, most middle age adults I know are still figuring out the same damn thing themselves.

This segways into my next realization. That friends are exactly the means by which you travel this difficult life span without going mentally insane. There are days thought, that I think myself and, sorry guys, even some of my friends didn't pass that mentality test with flying colors. Jussst kidding....but am I? :-) Love you!


Ok, enough with the heavy stuff, right? While going through this interesting life period I've also realized that adult relationships, whether they be friendships or significant other style relationships....well...they SUCK. Yes I'm one of those people. I reminisce and have days where I miss college like I never thought possible. The thing about college is that while you're there in the constraints of those cinderblock walls. Going off on a tangent here.... funny how cinderblock walls sounds like a prison and yes, while you're there that's what it seems like, until you get out. Then you realize that those were the days when you were able to be irresponsible, carefree, and with VERY limited restrictions to the guidelines of real life. But guess what? The real world gave us a slap right upside the head when we got out and said, GET A REAL JOB! Now faced with student loans, time lines of a real work schedule, trying to be a significant other's "person" and trying to balance those college/high school friendships we realize that we miss the ability to call up the friend in the townhouse/dorm room right next to ours and say: "YO! Get over here...NOW...I wanna DO something."I don't like grown up land where we have to coordinate our "hang out time" around our big kid jobs and big kid responsibilities. Yeah.. I know. Can I hear another AMEN? lol

On top of that, what happened to the fluid relationship status and commitment of college? I'm really ok admitting that I'm a girl who's got way too much to do and see to get super serious in a relationship right now. (Reference Beau's dad's quote above). Why rush that status? Let's live gloriously and get all those wild oats sown now so that we can look back on our 20's and not regret a damn thing or hear ourselves mumble, "I wish I would have..." FYI not going to be me. I'm more than ok with having someone hold me to that statement. Even if my younger brother or best friends get married before me, I'm (at least right now) holding firm to the fact that I need to live a little before I go and tie the knot or get into something serious. Sorry, sad but true.

Better end on an upbeat note. Oh...my iPod has magic powers I think. What just came on? 75 and Sunny by Ryan Montbleau.
"I'd rather be 75 and sunny than 29 with a chance of showers all the time, she'd rather be old as dirt than new as any $9 bottle of wine.... you better believe she's living for the moment, cuz the moment is the whole damn thing."

Thanks for bearing with me on a long, and a little overdue, blog. Cheers to best friends, maintaining grown up relationships, and being 24...ah I mean 75..and sunny. <3